I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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