Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
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