You're my little dorito
Is it normal to miss your booty call?
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Randomize
