Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
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