Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Randomize
