have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize
