Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Randomize
