One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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