yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Randomize
