Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Randomize
