the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Randomize
