Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
