Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
