dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
