Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
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