i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Randomize
