New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
