My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Bang-toberfest begins!!
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Randomize
