I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
