Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Randomize