All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
