I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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