I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Randomize
