Four minutes until I can fart!
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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