So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
Life is so much better after having sex.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize
