doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
