is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
