ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
