it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize