She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
My ATM looks so different sober.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
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