There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
