Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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