Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Randomize