Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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