pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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