scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
