i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
Randomize