This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
