she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
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