i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
