If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Randomize