Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
