I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
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