i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
