My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Randomize