thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Randomize
