my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
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