Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
