Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
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