this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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