You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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