It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Randomize