I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
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