Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
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