That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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