I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
