when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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