Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
