I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
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