The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
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