is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Randomize
