so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize