I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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