6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
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