Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
