using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
