i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
